Freddie's depression
by alwayssomewhere
Summary: Freddie Benson isn't the toughest and/or strongest man we know but he never had to be strong. When tragedy strikes him he has to be but will he be able to keep everything from collapsing and losing the one he loves.Review plz! completed.
1. Chapter 1

**Freddie's pov**

Right now my mind isn't doing what its suppose to be doing so all I do is run. I can't deal with what just happened and I won't accept it. As I keep running through the white and bright halls all these images pass through my head. The times I tried to run away from her the times I hated her. All the times I walked full of hope that the last time I walk out of here it would be with the person who loves me more than anyone ever could.

5 minutes ago

I slowly open the door and walk to her bed. I look at her face she's tired, she fought but she didn't win. She grabs my hand and I lay beside her.

''Hey mom'' She looks up at me and smiles like she always does.

''The doctor woke you up with that call didnt he'' I nodd.

''Yea.. I probably look awful'' She puts her hand to my face and rubs my cheek.

''You should take better care of yourself'' I give her a little smile.

''Maybe but..''

She sighs and tries to sit up straight and I help her move the pillows so she's comfortable.

''No I don't wanna hear that, youre always busy taking care of me ,or your girlfriend ,or your college points ,or your job. You gotta start thinking about yourself mister''

''Yes I'll try to take some time for myself'' It made me smile that even in this kind of a situation she still managed to be the way she's been her entire life, worrying like a crazy person about me.

She gave my hand a little squeeze and says ''Ýou know I love you right'' I nodd ''and that I'm proud of my little man''

I chuckle ''Yes mom I know, I love you to.. a lot and im gonna think about you everyday. You know you have an irreplaceble place in my heart''

I'm starting to lose it but I can't let her see me like this now. I need to hold it together show her im gonna be okay.

''You know I wouldn't go if I knew you weren't ready to stand on youre own Freddie'' Tears were forming in her eyes but I knew she wanted to be strong.

We just laid there for a while untill her hand started losing grip and the heart monitor started beeping slower and slower. I got up from the bed the moment she stopped breathing I turned around to look at her one last time but I knew my mother wasn't there anymore.

Present

I finally got to my apartment and I don't even know how I managed to drive my car here. I opened the door and tried to close it as silently as I could because Sam was still sleeping. I didn't feel like telling what happened right now I was gonna tell her ofcourse but I need time for myself now I will tell her in the morning. I took my coat and shoes off and walked to our bedroom. I didn't have the energy to change so I crept in bed. Sam was peacefully asleep and snoring a little. I snuggled into her side and warmed up a little. I couldn't close an eye I felt awful my head is so heavy and I can't stop my tears anymore. I feel the exhaustion getting to me and everything turns black.


	2. Chapter 2

AU.. Okay so this story won't seem that interesting now but don't worry the storyline involves more things happening 3

**Freddie's pov**

The morning finally came and the light hurt my eyes but not as much as the broken heart and the headache I have. I wish I didn't wake up, I wish I had a reason to wake up right now but then I remember Sam and turn around to find her side of the bed empty. I look up and see the lights on in the bathroom.

''Sam?'' I manage to groan out.

''Freddie are you awake?''

She walked out. She definitely just showered, her hair was wet and she was wearing a robe. She sat on the side of the bed and had a concerned look on her face. She stroked the side of my face. Like my mom did a few hours ago.

''You don't look so good are you okay?''

''No.. I'm not. Sam something happened last night''

I sit up straight and she grabs my hand giving me the sign to continue talking.

''I got a call from the hospital last night and they said things weren't stabile anymore''

She gasps and she already knows what was coming next.

''I immediately raced over there and she was awake and we had a little talk and then.. she died Sam''

I decided to just say it so the words wouldn't hurt so much but my newly formed tears were streaming over my cheeks over places where last nights tears had dried up. Sam was looking down she silently cried with me. She laid down next to me pulled me to her and wrapped her arms around me. She kissed my forehead and I just laid there in her arms like a little kid. I felt numb this should comfort me but it didn't. I loved Sam but it wasn't enough to make me feel better.

''I'm so sorry Freddie I wish I could do something'' She sobbed and I felt bad for her she hated to see me like this but I needed to be alone.

''Sam can you do me a favor and tell everyone what happened'' I unwrapped her arms frome me and laid back down on my side.

''Don't you want to tell them yourself?''

''I don't plan on seeing them very soon so could you just do it'' She nodded and got up.

''Freddie don't you wanna change or at least eat something because..''

''I don't need anything right now just for you to leave me alone''

I know it was harsh but it didn't feel like getting up and I wasn't going to. I'm not hungry and I don't care what I wear right now.

**Sam's pov**

I got out of the room without saying a word and walked to the living room and sat down on the couch. Freddie wasn't going to talk to me or get out of bed by the looks of it. He is absolutely broken and something like this has never happened to him so I have no idea what I can do to help him. And it also isn't helping that he's pushing me away like this. I know I never really had a bond with his mom but I do know she was everything he had for a long time and she meant the world to him.

I decided to call Carly and tell her what happend she needed to know and she could tell everyone else. I picked up my cell phone and started dialing.

''Hi Sam, whats up?'' It cheered me up hearing Carly's perky voice on the other side.

''Hey Carls a lot something terrible happened'' My voice creaked.

''Ms. Benson passed away last night Carly''

Carly started sobbing and panicked it being her common reaction when bad things happen.

''But Sam she was doing better, I..I can't believe she's gone I just..can't''

''I know me neither but she was very sick and she was exhausted we could all see it when we visited her last weekend remember?''

Images of her are passing in my head. Her laying in her hospital bed so tired that she couldn't even manage to speak with us through the whole visitors hour. But Freddie stayed with her not saying anything just keeping her company. I pushed the image away it just broke my heart.

''Yes I know I just didn't expect it to happen this soon. God Freddie must be crushed.. How is he doing?''

''Not great he doesn't want to get out of bed but he is coping I guess''

''Should I come over maybe talk to him a little?"

''No. Thats definitely not going to work he just said that he doesn't even want ME around right now and that I should leave him alone''

''That really doesn't sound like Freddie. Don't worry Sam he loves you but he just needs time to think about something like this you know..''

I sighed.. Damn she's right ''I know, I know but I wish he would talk to me, tell me what is on his mind what we can do''

''He will come and talk to you when he's ready all he needs now is for you to be there and don't mentions his mom to much you need to keep his mind free from all the memories right now. It will all be alright Sam, you have always been a great girlfriend and friend''

I just love Carly sometimes.

''God Shay your making this day even more emotional than it is'' I wipe away the tears that started running '' But youre right I can do this.. thanks''

''Good now Sam if you need me you can just call''

''I know and I will''

''So i'll talk to you later then, love you and take care''

''Course, bye love you to''


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everyone, I'm kinda thinking to discontinue this story because it might be boring. What do you think? any kind of feedback would be very kind my dears! X**

Sam's pov

So the past couple of days have been hard on me. I didn't speak to Freddie since his mothers funeral. It was awful and heartbreaking. He has been sleeping in the guest bedroom, he says he needs space. I've been crying myself to sleep now and then.

*Flashback*

All of them were standing there around the coffin that was about to be put in the ground. Ms. Benson didn't have alot of friends but they didn't think she would mind the lesser people. Carly was crying holding Gibby who was standing next to Spencer. Next to him were Freddie and Sam. They were all standing the closest.

Freddie didn't seem to have lots of emotion. Once in a while you could see him tearing up while the reverend was speaking but he held himself together. When everyone finished speaking they started lowering the coffin, his mom. Freddie looked away.

As soon as it was over he started walking, without saying goodbye to anyone to sit in the car, ready to go home. Sam and Carly walked more slowly to the parkinglot.

''I'm worried Carly, you've seen him now'' Sam said walking Carly to her car.

''To be honest me too, Freddie isn't letting himself grieve'' Carly said.

Sam shaked her head ''We didn't have a normal conversation since it happened, I don't know what to do anymore Carly''

''I don't think youre the one that has to do something now, Freddie needs time to figure this thing out just do what you can'' Carly said stepping forward and wrapped Sam in a hug.

''I'm sorry you guys are going through this'' Carly said.

Sam hugged her back. ''Its okay we will work it out, we just have to''

''Yeah I know, I'll call you tonight okay?''

''Sure, see you later then'' Sam waved Carly goodbye and walked to the car Freddie was sitting in and got in.

On their home Freddie didn't say a word and Sam had tears streaming down her face. She turned her head away so he wouldn't notice.

''Stop it Sam!'' Freddie yelled.

''Wha..What?'' Sam was taken away by the sudden outburst.

Freddie slammed on the brakes and pulled the car to the side of the road. He leaned his forehead on the wheel and looked down.

''You know what you're doing!'' He said to her.

''I honestly don't know and could you stop screaming at my!''

''Stop crying! Why would you cry, I thought you of all people would like it better this way''

Sam was about to speak but to shocked. She never thought her sweet boyfriend would say that.

''You never liked her'' Freddie said venom dripping from his voice.

When Sam didn't say anything, Freddie started the car up again. Before he could Sam opened her door and got out. She figured it wasn't that far anymore untill rain started pouring from the sky. Freddie felt bad that she was walking and started driving next to her.

''Sam get in the car! Youre getting soaked!''

''Don't you have something else to say for yourself?'' Sam said.

''Sam! Don't be a hardass and just get in the damn car, I'm having a hard time I don't need you on my case right now!''

Wrong choice of words. Sam kept walking and Freddie started driving faster and faster.

*End Flashback*

I still couldn't believe Freddie acted that way. That was not the way to grieve. I'm just trying to help him but he won't let me. I don't think its going to work out this way. Were just drifting further apart as the days go by. He's lucky its summer so we don't have to go to school anymore because he refuses to go out. I can't live like this. I'll have to do something to get him to know.

I got my phone and started dialing.

''Hello''

''Carls?''

''Sam? Is everything alright?''

''No its not can you help me with something? I just can't do this anymore''

''Always,what do you plan on doing?''

''I decided to move out''


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone thanks for reading this story but I still wish more people would read it :( but im gonna continue though! If you like my writing you can check out my other story that I just completed :D its called ''Friendzoned?'' Its honestly very sweet so have fun reading and please review so I'll have the drive to write a longer chapter next time ;) loveXx**

Sam's pov

I wish I could make the right choice but its impossible. If I stay, Freddie and I will drift further apart and break up. I definitely don't want to lose him. But if I move out I'm leaving him all by himself and we might also break up. I have the feeling I'm holding on to something thats long gone. I understand that its something huge to get over but I don't think he needs me that much or loves for that matter. He used to say it everyday, multiple times. I smiled before he would say it when I went to sleep, in the morning when I go and sometimes when were watching tv. Its has been a month now.

''I love you too''

I know whats best thats why I'm getting my clothes out of our closet and into my bag. Carly told me to wait a little bit longer because it could get better, but it didn't. Its time to go. I heard a soft knocking on the door.

''Yes?''

The door opened revealing Freddie dressed as someone who doesn't go outside very often.

''What are you doing Sam?'' He asked, his voice rasped.

I took a breath and closed my bag. I had everything I needed, except Freddie.

''You know, I'm going to Carly's for a while''

''Why? You live here and its perfectly fine''

''I think you need some time alone, I'll come by soon.. promise''

When I didn't get an answer I just slung my bag over my shoulder and walked out of the room. I was sick of waiting.

''Youre making it reaal easy for yourself aren't you Sam?'' He said when he walked after me through the hall. I opened my mouth to say something but..

''No don't even say something, just have fun at Carly's'' He walked away from me and sat on the couch drinking his coffee.

''What happened to you?''

''My mother died'' He answered bitter.

I swallowed ''I know but why are you angry at me?''

''I'm not I'm just not happy! That could happened to me to you know!''

''Whats thats suppose to mean?'' I knew where he was getting at, just wanted to hear him say it.

''I have been there for you every single time Sam! When youre dad left, when your boyfriends broke up with you, when you had a hard time getting into college, when youre depressed and you can't even stay with me when I'm absolutely devastated about my mother's dead''

''Don't you dare turn on me like that! I tried being there for you, but you have been pushing me away since the very first day!''

''All you could do was cry! When I comfort someone I atleast try to be usefull''

Okay, I tried catching my breath because this was turning into a full blown shouting match.

''Freddie don't be such a bastard and think before you say something'' You could hear by my tone of voice that I was holding it all in.

''You know what I think, I think you should go back to the filthy place you came from Sam''

I started speaking softly again ''I think all you wanna do is fight with me now'' I walked untill I was in his face ''Because you don't have a mom anymore''

I was done I just couldn't keep mean Sam inside anymore. I turned around after that and didn't look at him. He just pushed the wrong buttons. So I'm really done I walked back and bend down to grab my bag. I figured I'll just go to Carly's now and straighten it all out.

That was untill I saw a coffee mug flying towards my face.


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay thnx for the reviews! :) so excited that I finally heard what you think! but anyway lets continue...**

Freddie's pov

Before I knew it I threw that stupid mug at her, it just slipped out of my hand. What happened to me? I would never ever hurt my girlfriend. I would never hurt Sam. As I saw her eyes widen when she saw what I had done, realisation hit me. I am the biggest idiot in the world I have been a jerk. I just tried to hurt her because I'm angry at her.. I guess. I didn't want her to leave, leave me all alone. I just got so frustrated but not with her, with myself. I love her but I lost my mom and now i'm losing my Sam.

I got my mind back to the moment and saw that Sam jumped aside and that the cup crashed into the kitchen counter behind her. Thank god! I could feel myself breathing again. Sam was laying on the floor in pure shock.

I ran over there. ''Are you okay?'' I felt stupid asking that ''..I'm so sorry the cup just slipped and I didnt want to..''

''Freddie I never thought you would do this to me..'' She whispered tears rolling over her face. ''Guess you really don't love me anymore''

''What! No please baby!'' I kneeled down in front of her and took her hands in mine ''I love you so much and I just got so frustrated suddenly it... just happened'' I sighed. Guilt was hurting the insides of me.

''I can't believe you did that'' It was like she didn't even hear me.

''Freddie I think i'm done here..'' She stood up grabbed the handle of her bag and walked to the door.

''Sam! please.'' She turned and looked at me ''Sam you're my.. everything, I never wanted to lose you, I love you'' I cried.

I turned around so she didn't have to see me like this. That is when I heard a soft '''goodbye'' and a door slamming shut. She's gone.

*one week later*

I'm sitting on the porch staring at the sun going under. This is the most beautiful summer we have had in years but I can't spend with the one I love. I will never spend a summer with her. I don't think I will see Sam again. I wasn't going to feel love anymore.

She didn't come back after the incident. I had my hope that she would miss me the way that I missed her and come back but she didn't. I didn't try to contact her I can't explain myself because I hate myself to. I can't sleep anymore, the bed still smells like her so I just sit out here. Suddenly my phone started ringing.

My legs being heavy I walked slowly to the table and took the call.

''Hello?'' I answered tired.

''Freddie, Its Carly'' Sam was with her.. she probably knows it all.

''Freddie are you okay?'' I sighed ofcourse not.

''Yea something like that, how are you?''

''Uhmm. I'm good'' We were silent for a while.

''Carly why did you call?''

''Because you're my friend and I want to make sure you're alright to''

''to?'' I asked, I just wanted to hear how Sam was.

''Yes, Sam is here and she's NOT okay''

I kept my mouth shut and Carly got annoyed ''Freddie! are you going to talk to me about this or not?''

''I have nothing to say for myself'' I said, ashamed.

''Well I do, why would you do something like that? You could have knocked her out! You could have done some serious damage!''

''Don't you think I know that!''

''Then why did you do it?''

''Because..'' I lowered my voice ''I was hurt and I took it out on her''

''I understand but I thought you would never do anything like that Freddie''

''Carly you know me, I would never start a fight and I would never hurt someone especially Sam''

''I know but this happened and I can't approve of it''

''Ofcourse not I don't but I love Sam and I can't deal without her'' I cried ''I haven't slept or eaten in days!''

''I'm sorry Freddie, I didn't call you to scream at you''

''I know but is Sam alright?''

''Well.. She misses you, she really does she cringes at everything that reminds her of you''

''Is she thinking about talking to me?'' Oh please say yes.

''She isn't thinking about forgiving you'' I lower my head..great ''but you never know what might happen''

''Yea you never know'' I said not believing a word.

''Why don't you get some sleep and i'll come over with some dinner''

''No you really don't need to do that, I'm fine just stay with Sam''

''Oh no, I wasn't offering I was just letting you know! Sam is fine for now'' Well..alright then.

''Fine, see you then''

''Alright, sleep well!''

I hang up. I realize she's right I really need to sleep now or I will probably faint. I walked to our bedroom and then turned around remembering her I fell asleep on the couch.

**So there you go! another chapter now I have a choice to make and I want you're opinion, should I publish another chapter with a Carly and Freddie moment** **or should I just skip that part and get to the storyline? Well review! And there a few chapters left soo enjoy X**


	6. Chapter 6

**Heeey so here is the sixth chapter. This is the longest story I have ever written! So I hope you'll enjoy it and pleeeaaase review! I also heard that ICarly is gonna end :(( and yes I cried, they're filming the last episode in june so this might be my last story about ICarly because I don't really like to write about a show thats over so yeah i'll make it worthed X**

Freddie's pov

I was staring at the noodles in the bowl. I could feel Carly's eyes staring me down untill I ate something. I can't eat.

''Carly, I can't eat'' I sighed sitting back in my chair.

''Freddie'' She said with a stern tone ''What ya wanna do? Starve?''

I didn't say anything and she stood up walked to my side of the table and sat down next to me.

''Freddie it has been almost a month now and you're becoming ill and thin''

''Don't pretend like i'm anorexic! I eat.. sometimes'' I say.

''Yes, when I have to force feed you like a little kid!''

''Carly just.. I don't care right now'' I said looking away from her.

''Freddie i'm done with this'' I looked at her. ''What?''

''You're a grown man and you're being a child'' She said looking me in the eyes.

''Look Freddie I love you but you did something bad and now you're taking the blaim for your actions'' She took my hand and continued.

''You have to be strong right now and move on, I know Sam is trying to its the best for you two right now'' I swallowed well that hurt.

''You know summer is almost over and don't you dare drop out of college because I will not be afraid to slap you!''

She was right as always. I need to move on, for my mom, for me. I have to put this behind me but it hurts to much. I'm afraid i'll always feel this empty.

''Okay you made your point'' I squeezed her hand and nodded.

''So your gonna man up and live your life again?''

''Yes mom'' I smiled and she smiled with me.

After I finally finished my dinner and we were on the couch watching tv. There was a knock on the door. I stood up and opened it.

''Gibbaay!'' The three of us said in unision when we saw our old friend.

''Haah Hey man how ya doin?'' He said giving me one of those awkward bro hugs.

I laughed ''Yea okay how are you dude? Haven't seen you for like a month''

''Sorry man i've been busy with stuff..'' He walked further in and spotted Carly ''Hey there Carls''

''Hey Gib'' She turned around and smiled ''Come sit with me'' She patted on the couch and Gibby sat next to her. Well this is nice.

''Anyone thirsty?'' I asked.

''Yeah kinda, give me whatever you have'' Gibby said.

''Yea same here'' Carly chuckled.

''Okay coming right up'' I said standing and walking to the kitchen.

I was pouring the drinks and I heard faint sounds of talking in the living room. Suddenly I heard Carly gasp and yell ''WHAT!''. What was happening? I grabbed the glasses and walked slowly to the living room, hoping to catch something of their conversation. Its not eavesdropping its slowly walking..

Gibby whispered ''Don't act suspicious Carls! Its to much for him''

Carly nodded but was looking really nervous and absolutely freaked out.

I stepped in and decided to go straight to the point ''What is to much for me?''

They turned around shocked I probably startled them.

''What do you mean? Oh hey you got our drinks come sit buddy'' Gibby said taking the glasses out of my hands and guiding me to the couch. Totally avoiding my question.

''Alright.. now what is to much for me?'' I asked again.

''I don't know.. but what I do know is that this drink is really good you should just..''

''Gibby cut the crap!'' I yelled. I looked over at Carly, who kept her mouth shut.

''Carly whats going on?'' I asked her tense.

''I know nothing! Nothing at all!'' She blurted out, obviously knowing everything.

''Okay someone tell me what going on right now!'' I said standing up ''You guys are my friends and your the only ones there for me right now so I want the truth''

Gibby sighed knowing there was no way out. he got up and grabbed his phone showing me a picture.

''I'm so sorry'' He said.

My breath hitched and I felt like crap all over again. It was Sam. She was kissing an other guy. She's over me, I can't believe she's over me. I fell back down in my seat and hung my head in my hands. All of a sudden I felt a hand stroke my hair.

''It's going to be alright, were here'' She said sitting down next to me and wrapping her arms around me like Sam did.. when I pushed her away. This time I wasn't making that mistake and held on to Carly like there was now tomorrow and sobbed quitly in her shoulder. I wish I could do it over.

The morning came and I finally slept in our.. my bed. I got up and found Carly and Gibby sleeping on the couch.

''Hey guys..'' I whispered gently waking them up.

Carly sat straight and blinked a couple times.''Hmm.. whats up''

I chuckled ''Not much but don't you wanna get home?''

She stood up ''Yes I guess so'' She stretched out grabbed her purse and puts a hand to my face ''Are you gonna be alright?''

I nodded ''Yes, now could you take Gibby with you?''

She looked over at Gib and smiled ''Sure'' she shook him awake and he groaned.

''Come on Gib lets go home'' She said sweetly. Gibby was clearly still have a sleep but did what he was told.

''Okay mom'' He said walking to the door. I laughed.

''Gibby i'm not yo.. ooh lets just go'' she sighed and opened the door ''Bye Freddie and have breakfast'' I smiled she really was the mom.

''Bye guys'' I said and closed the door behind them.

They are great friends, they stayed up with me all night and even managed to get me into bed. I may handle it all better but I still can't talk about it. I just don't want to be reminded of it right now.

I heard a knock on the door and walked over. Guess Carly didn't trust me with the breakfast thing. I opened the door and my heart stopped.

''Hi Freddie''

''Sam?''

**Alright end of chapter! sorry for the cliffyness but I couldn't resist :P So not much of Sam in this chapter but you'll see. So if you liked it plz review and i'll update asap 3**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi guys! Long time no updates. Sorry, had 4 F's in this trimester soo i kinda had to work on it :P don't worry i'll get there! I also didn't have a lot of reviews soo that was kinda dissapointing for those who did review thank you so much I loved it so much. I thought that was one of the better chapters so I didn't really get it but if you did I would love to have some feedback but anyhow enjoy ;) X**

Sam's pov

Okay so Freddie was not so suprisingly stunned to see me and believe me i'm stunned that I came. He must be pretty damn special to me. After he let me in we sat on opposite sides of the living room. He started talking.

''So how have you been?'' He asked kinda staring me down.

''I'm good and you?'' I said back. He looked me in the eyes and cleared his throat.

''Yea..'' He hesitated ''Sam what are you doing here?'' I was taken away, like I even knew why I was here.

''Freddie, I honestly don't know'' I said inching towards him. ''I wanted to see how you were doing..''

''Sam I know you might have moved on from us but..'' Noo you're wrong ''i'm not ready to see you right now and I don't think we can be friends, its just not going to work'' He said unclenching hist fists.

''I don't want to be friends either I just..''

''Oh I get it you just want to flaunt around to let me youre perfectly fine without me''

''What! How could you..''

''No wait youre letting me know that you have a new guy, well I hope you guys are happy together!'' He said tearing up. He should really let me finish a sentence.

''Well i'm not fine okay Sam! Happy now!'' Ofcourse not..

''Would you shut up for a sec.!'' I yelled getting sick of this rant. He obliged and sat down with a straight face.

''Look I came here because I...I missed you'' He looked up and me standing over him.

''And I missed you more than you'll ever know'' He said. That felt good to hear.

''And I don't have 'A new guy' that was just a little mistake I made''

''A little? You really hurt me''

''And you really hurt me''

''I know and you know how sorry I am and how I hate myself for it'' He said taking my hands in his. Which felt nice again. I didn't let go and he continued talking.

''If I was in my right state of mind I would NEVER do anything to hurt you and it will never happen again''

''How will I know? What if some relative once dies or something else that hurts?''

''Please trust me again, I just.. need you with me Sam I can't let this ruin us''

Its hard to forgive Freddie but its also hard to stop loving him.

''I don't know Freddie'' I sighed. I really didn't. I don't want to be some weakling that goes back to some violent boyfriend.

''Look Sam losing my mom was very hard to cope with and you could say that I didn't do it right but I just got so frustrated but not with you honey'' He pulled me closer by my hand wrapped his arms around me and softly kisses me on my forehead. Somethings are just right and this is it.

That boy is good and this is so nice I wish it would last forever. He stroked my hair and I decided to speak up.

''I know its hard but you went to far without a good reason''

He nodded ''Sam losing my mom is as bad as losing you just imagine how I feel''

''Yea I know, I get it'' I smiled at him. He looks so harmless just like my old Freddie. I'm done with this fight. He had a rough time but I know Freddie for as long as I can remember and i'm not ready to let go of him that easy.

''I love you'' He said.

''If you ever do anything like that again I will kick youre ass untill you won't be able to use youre laptop'' I got in his face.

''Will never happen but I will be okay to suffer if it does''

I sighed relieved ''I love you too'' I jumped in his arms and hugged him, he held me tight.

''Don't ever leave me, youre my everything, you know that'' He said dropping on the couch me still on him.

''Don't give a reason and I won't even think about it baby''

He grabbed my hand and pulled me of the couch and walked to the door.

''What are we doing?'' I asked wanting to make up for the time.

'''Getting you're stuff back'' He said. I laughed I'd love to.

''Okay then lets go'' I hopped to the door and opened it.

Before I could walk Freddie grabbed my waist turned me around and pulled me close.

''Wait.. one thing'' And he puts his lips on mine. God I missed him. My arms slid around his neck and deepened it. We broke apart out of breath.

''Sorry just needed to do that'' He said breathing heavy.

''Ooh that alright..'' I grabbed his hand and pulled him with me outside and closed the door.

**THE END..well not really theres one more chapter coming so just review as much as you can and i'll upload it as fast as I can. **


	8. Chapter 8

Freddie's pov

I walked the path of grass and stopped when I saw that I reached the place. I sat down because well.. this was going to take a while. The sun was shining and it was beautiful out here and I felt great. I was playing with a little box in my hand and I started talking.

''Hey there'' I chuckled mostly to myself, if you would tell me I would be doing this a few years ago I woud have called you crazy.

''So here's the deal, me Sam are still loving the new place we rented a few months ago''

Sam thought we needed a bigger place and she was right. We finished college a few months ago and its so much better to live in the city for both our jobs.

''You of all people know that I will never want anyone else than Sam, I love her Mom''

I knew the person I was talking wouldn't talk back but I had a feeling someone was listening. It was a talk I needed now and then, I didn't care if I looked stupid.

''She is just as important to me as you were and i'll always keep you in my mind but I really feel like i'm standing on my own now, just like you said''

I've been seeing someone about my 'issues' and it turned out to be a great help. I had the feeling I had it together. Sam was extremely supportive so I didn't need anymore help after a few months.

''I think its time for us to take a huge step'' I looked at the box in my hand and opened it showing a diamond engagementring

''I want to ask her to marry my mom''

Some guy walked by and I realized it looked like I was proposing to a gravestone so I closed it again. Sam and I are going out for dinner tonight I wanted to do it then. I don't think I'm going to hide the ring in her food or something silly like that. I'll just pop the question straight forward, like she always is. I'm almost certain she'll say yes, but I'm a little nervous.

''Well thats what I came to tell you, and I know were pretty young but we have been dating for almost five years''

We almost parted when my mom died but something like that will never happened again and i'll make sure of it. I already told Carly and she was way too excited to keep her mouth shut so I guess Spencer and Gibby also know by now. There was just one person I needed to tell. Thats why I'm here.

''So you wherever you are right now you don't have to worry about me I'm going to be fine, She's the one''

It was time to go meet my love at the house. I was smiling like a fool because I'm nervous but excited to spend the rest of my life with her. I rised to my feet and rearranged the flowers that were laying on her grave.

''Talk to you soon Mom, now wish me luck!''

**The End **

**Okay thats it just a small chapter to finish it. Thanks for all the reviews for just one of my first fanfics! **

**heijk12345, Zetay121, Geekquality, purplehAM138, PunkPrincess24, Kirraaax33**

**I really appreciate it and plz keep reviewing. I'm happy about how the story turned out but I'm really trying to improve so I will be starting a new story soon. Before ICarly comes to an end :( So keep your eyes open and I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading X**


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